youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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