Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
