47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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