you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
