everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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