1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
