I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
50% drunk capacity currently
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
