3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Two words: nipple clamps
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