Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
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we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
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gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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