I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
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Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
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Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.