I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies