i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
