he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO