I puked a lego.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?