apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight