I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I showed him my bush... on skype.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
