Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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