he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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