Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
