Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
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I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
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do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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