sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I'm really busy with my period
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