I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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