You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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