would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
