btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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