i would punch a child for taco bell
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
