if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
