we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
