Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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