you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
