dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
