im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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