Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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