my vag is so smooth its legendary
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
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found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
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I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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