So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
In America we eat man semen.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
