hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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