dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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