Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
