I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
