separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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