I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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