The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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