I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
