You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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