i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize