y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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