And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
