im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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