There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
