bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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