he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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