he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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