apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
