me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
