you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
