Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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