you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
