if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
