I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
