Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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