I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
high people should be assigned attendants
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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