did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
