It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
