Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
