I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize