He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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