I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
whose parrot is this?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
