She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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