I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
