Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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