What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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