I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Houston, we have a blender
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
