He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Hippo gnu deer
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
