I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
if only i could text you this smell
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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