just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
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we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
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i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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