yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
