I didn't shave. On purpose
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
