I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
