I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you traded sex for a burrito?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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