my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
