I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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