is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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