I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
