is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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