She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
