we have officially lost it.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
