Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
