there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
