You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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